i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
