why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
