he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
