why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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