all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
