this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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