I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm getting married
To pizza
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
