I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
this will be a night to untag.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
