Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
