He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
