When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
