just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
