Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my phone needs a breathalizer
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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