I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
