So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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