I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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