guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
