just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
