I think I can smell my own vagina right now
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
