I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
