drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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