Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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