No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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