omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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