I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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