im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
