it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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