I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
