You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
