oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
