You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
