Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
