I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
