Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
