I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
