he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
