You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
