I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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