I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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