was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
