My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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