You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
