I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
