She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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