it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
