Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
