i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
