So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
