I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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