we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
