My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
