Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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