After last night, I could never be a politician.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
